When it doesn't make sense...

I've got to wonder sometimes what heck is going on out there sometimes. The world is in a turmoil, and no one really knows what is going on politically or economically. On a personal note though two very good friends/relatives of my own just just broke up. In the aftermath of it all I was talking with one, and they were saying that they wanted to travel now, which got me thinking about myself. I have always wanted to travel and with that talk, I was reminded that I wanted to travel again. I get into stuff like school and am so focused that I'm ok with what I'm doing, however I have my restless side and when I get that I really wonder if what I'm doing is what I "want" to do. I'm not saying that I'm stopping what I'm taking in school, but I'm just saying that I have to wonder. I don't know if I want to live my complete life they way it's headed right now. Do I really want to go to school for that long? I don't know. I've really got to figure what's going on. There is a time when you look at your life and wonder where it's headed. I do not know and not sure what I'm doing at the moment. If I want my life to be exciting then why would I lock myself into 5-6 yr program then be left with piles of bills later on? I don't think that I'm commited enough to something like that to do that. Walking through life unknown is not how I like it!

Nothing but work!

Oh man I haven't been on here for so long. Just an update from school. I'm in Smoky Lake working for my uncle. I've been driving semi for the last 6 weeks and things have pretty busy. I've got a big ole 18 speed Kenworth, and I'm pulling a 53 foot long and 14 feet wide trailer. Lets just say that with a load like that, all vehicles including the other big rigs are pulling over to give me room. It's pretty exciting and it pays pretty good. Other than work I haven't been doing much, but I will be headed to Nova Scotia in about a month for more work. I'm going to be the Boy's Director at camp out there for the second row, and the best part is that my little bro is going to be out there. Anyways its Saturday afternoon and since its my only day off I'm going to get some sleep.

Been a while

Well it's geen a while I've acutally written something on here, so I figured since I was working this morning that now would be a good time. Classes are over for the year and we are in teh midst of finals. I wrote my first final yesterday and I have 2 more before I'm done for the semester. My final yesterday was a bit crazy since it started at 07:15 however the teacher ended up calling my room at 08:15 to see where I was at. I can't believe that I was late since i always go to classes on time, and for some reason I completely just slept through the whole alarm thing and my roommate getting up. I should have told him that I had a final yesterday because he would have woken me up.

Hmmm...so lets see. I'm trying to think of something interesting to say. I can't think of anything except for the fact that I'm going to start work in just over a week, so it will be good to be rolling in a little money again. I haven't made any regular or decent sized paychecks since the last time I drove truck. I guess that's kinda the crazy thing....I haven't worked really anywhere for like two years. I did odd jobs and summer camp but none of them them paid a whole lot so it doesn't really count. If I can I want to buy a car this summer, but we'll have to see what's going on with that and how much I get for student loans so that I can figure out how much I have left over from summer earnings. Anyways my financial's are a little on the boring side so I dont' know why I'm talking about it. Anyways I can't think of anything else to talk about so I'm outa here.

The Semester is coming to a close!

Well my semester is coming to a close and in some ways I can't wait, but in other cases I'm still really not ready for this. I'll be glad to be done with my classes, but I will have a bunch of textbooks to read this summer which won't be so much fun, but oh well. Also I'm not overly excited about having to work again. The work isn't so bad it just gets stressful at times, but I guess life is typically stressful. I finished my Stats class today which made me very happy. i don't think I did so great on teh final but at this point as long as I passed taht is all I care about.

So I'm sure that you can guess that I'm working tonight. It's a boring job, but I think that I'm pretty much ready for my test tomorrow at least. I have a test tomorrow, two assignments due tomorrow as well, a test thursday or Friday, and project that needs to be finished sometime in there. But I did find out today that I won't have a final in my Sensation and Perception class which is absolutley amazing since I really think that a final would have brought my grade down. So ya schools going and getting done which is good.

I took off and left CUC for the Easter break. I was really needing to get away so it was nice to leave. I went up to my Uncle's place and had a good time up there. I did so much Snowmobiling though that I'm pretty sore now, but it feels good to know that I went out and did something. I had to study during the weekend but it wasn't so bad. I'm going to working for my uncle for only two months so after that, I'm planning on heading out East to Pugwash and work there again this summer, especially if my little brother is headed out there. He is such a cool kid and I'd really like to see him out there for a summer. Anyways that's all that going on in my life right now, so I'm gonna head off and go over my stuff a little more.

One more day til break

I can't wait to have break. I've only got one more class to sit through before I'm off to Smokey Lake for a little relaxation and good times. I'm really tired of staying around here all the time, so it will be nice to get away. I of course still have homework to get done so I'm taking that. I was able to do my Stats midterm Yesterday and it actually went really good, which I was surprised about. I'm gonna take my Stats final after I get back from break. Tonight we had the awards ceremony for scholarships and all that here. I got $1300 in total which isn't too bad. One of my friends got $10,400.00 which is pretty cool. That is a whole year worth of tuition! I was kinda jealous but this guy works hard and deserved it. Anyways that's pretty much all I have to say tonight. It's hard to write and think when I'm this tired.

Working Sunday morning!

It's Sunday morning. I've been awake for about 3 hours already and it's only 7:45 am. It's snowing and blowing outside and it looks kinda miserable. So I think that spring should hurry up and get here, so that we stop getting all this cold weather, which I'm really tired of. Yesterday was a lot of fun, since a bunch of us went to the mountains and just chilled out there doing random and unique things. It was a lot of fun and we went to a frozen waterfall which was really cool.

Today, although I've only been up for like 3 hours and done nothing but work turning out to be one of those frustrating days. It's one of those times when you thought that you had things figured out, and then suddenly you find out that things aren't as they appear. The details aren't worth talking about, but I'm kinda annoyed and not to happy by a few things today. Now because of what has happened I'm not even sure what I should do. Anyways whatever!

So this morning I've done a lot of homework which is really good, because after breakfast I'm going back to bed so that I can sleep since I've gotten very inadequate amounts of sleep all week and this weekend as well. Next weekend should be better since I may be going away. I may go up to my Uncle's for the weekend if possible. I'll probably have to take some homework with me but that's ok, since it will be good for me to get it done. It will be fun, and I think that it's about time that I got off campus for a few days. I have a lot of things that need to get done the next week, but sometimes one just needs to go and relax for a little bit and have a good time. I have a stats midterm tomorrow which is going to be a killer, but on the other hand i can't wait to get the test over with. I'll have take the final soon after. So after I have my nap I'm going to study stats for a while. I think I'm fairly ready for it, but a little more isn't going to hurt me at all. I'm really jealous of my parents right now. They should getting to Mexico sometime today and I'm stuck here doing school and watching snow fall....hahaha...but I guess that last year I did get my fair share of the tropics so I shouldn't be complaining. Anyways I think that is all the rambling that I'm going to do this morning.

Something different

So I'm working this morning but I've only been working since 7 this morning and not 5. Last night I looked at the schedule and new that there was no way that I would be able to get up at 5 this morning so I got rid of two hours of my shift. It has been one of those rather sleepless weeks and it was nice to get a couple extra hours of sleep. Today a whole bunch of us are going to go to the mountains for the day. It is cloudy and snowy today but we don't even care. We are going to take food and all our warm clothes and just go chill for the day. Sounds to me like more fun than anything else going on right now. Oh ya, I got a scholarship from CUC. I don't know how much it's for but I got one, so that is kinda exciting. It will probably be the $150 one, but oh well, it's still money and it's always nice to get something. Anyways that's kinda all I have to say right now.

Lives of Others

It is funny how we go through life, worried about our own little problems, but suddenly we are put in a place where we get a glimpse into someone elses life. Today I was sitting in our student lounge and studying. Just outside of the lounge it's self is this circular hallway where there are different rooms and offices. Anyways the sound carries amazingly down this hallway, and those in the lounge are subject to many interesting conversations. The first one was of two high school students discussing where there were going to be going to university. I found it amusing to listen to the one girl try and convince herself that she was going to a certain university because she wanted to and not because the boy she like was going. Also later on a college student and proceeded to tell the secretary in one of the offices that he was now dating. I have no idea if he wanted to the whole student lounge to know what was going on, but we did hear and we all had a chuckle. With this certian individual however I think that he would have been very happy to tell everyone about it. I wouldn't be going around telling everyone that I was dating, I'd let everyone find out in their own time. Well I'd tell those people who were important but other than that I figure that everyone else really needs to know, and besides that no one else really cares.

So anyways that is about all the interesting news that I have for today. I am busily working on getting stuff finished up for the end of the semester and hoping that all goes well, and that it will get done on time.

Dropping it all

It is late on a Friday night, but that doesn't matter when you have one of those important times in your life. For the last couple of months but more specifically in the last couple of weeks I've been stressing about different things in my life. Tonight I had a really good conversation with a friend and I came to a sudden realization that I'm talking and saying things but maybe not living them. I say that God is my number one priorty but I tend to keep things to myself, and to try to get them done in my own time. I needed to get back to where I let God deal with all those details in my life that are driving me nuts. It is only through God that I can find that peace that I'm looking for. The last few weeks I've been feeling this restlessness, and a need to get out and change things up a bit, and I'd even been contemplating doing things that I'd regret later. So in order to try and make myself feel better I was watching movies in my free time. This just worked to keep me occupied but did nothing. I still believe in action, becuase that is what being a Christian however what the specifics are I have no clue and I'm ok with that, because I know that whatever it is that he is there with, working out whatever is best. I know that God has something instore for me that is going to make it amazing, and all I have to do is to be willing to follow. God does not ask that I do anything amazing, except that I follow. Which at times I will admit is not easy because at times it feels like you are stepping out into thin air and there is nothing under there, but somehow it all works out. This isn't any pumped up over adrenaline ride that I'm on, but an honest to goodness following of God. I used to wonder why we didn't see miracles and God working and doing amazing things today, but when I was in Venezuela last summer I realized that if we just sit at home, going to our own services that aren't pushing us and all that, then we are limiting God and what he can do. I mean really now, why would God have in reason to do something amazing in my life if all I do is sit on the couch. God asks us to step out and it is then that he can do something amazing. That is why i could never understand all teh revival type exclamations of God's powere, because I mean really what purpose where they serving, besides some hyped up version of Christianiyt that passed and was like nothing the next day. That just wasn't good enough for me...the God I serve never does anything "just because" if he supplies me with an amazing spiritual gift then it is given when it is needed, and not because of some emotiont that I'm riding. I can understand that some people don't believe in God but in my life and the things that I went through last year, there is no doubt in my mind that God is real and alive out there. When I was in Venezuela I was in fear and afraid about what might happen...and I believe that God was the only thing that got me through. The God I serve is there through it all. I feel my life sometimes with so much noise that I can't hear him, but he is still there. I just wonder sometimes why I let myself get so caught up with everything that I can't take a step back and realize what the really important thing is out there in life? It has been a rough couple of weeks for a number of reasons, but I watched this video tonight and I realized that in all my tough times, that God was right there with me saying, "I love you so much and I know how to get out." all I had to to do was to listen. Life is cruel, and it gives out unfairly all that it can, however I know that through it all I have something greater there for me. All I have to do is accept it. Ok so sorry everyone for my ramblings but sometimes I have to say this stuff out loud because otherwise I'll forget too easily.

Good times last night, but crap today!

Well I got to go to my first NHL game last night. It happened quite by chance actually, however I didn't have to pay so that was completely sweet. I went to an Oiler's vs Nashville game. Oiler's lost but it was still a lot of fun anyways. It was a good time and was just glad to get out and away from CUC and all my school for a while. Things are getting crazier than normal around here right now. With the semester starting to draw to a close there is more and more to do. Also there are some people in my life who are acting a little stupid, however its really not even worth talking about it's so dumb. So the stupidity in my life is causing me stress which is pretty dumb, however it is also annoying becuase there is nothing I can do about it and that is probably what annoys me the most, because I like to be in control of things and deal with them, however I really can do nothing in this case.

So anyways lets see what else is going on. Well lets say that I'm also kinda stressed about my Statistics midterm and final that are coming up in a couple of weeks. It will pass and all will be well again, but in the mean time, things are crazy. Anyways I'm tired and almost sick so I should run, and head off to bed since it is already like 11 thirty.

I want to sleep

I'm barely staying awake this morning. I don't know why I actually agree to work at such ridiculous times in the morning, especially on a weekend. I dont' think this is going to be such a great weekend. There are just a few things that aren't going so well, but oh well, I guess that is life. I don't even really know what to say on here. All that is happening right now in my life is that I'm pretty much starting to stress out over school. Not so much just the normal school, but my Stats class is stressing me out, and its not even that it's so hard, but just that I feel that I really need to hurry up and get it done. I just wish sometimes that school didn't have to be so stressful. Anyways this is super short, but maybe I'll write more later.

blah

Hey guys, well i'm working again tonight, as you can probably guess since that seems to be the only time that I post anything. So lately I've been thinking alot about my future and what I want with it. I'm in the place where I'm getting tired of school and all that, and I have to wonder sometimes what I actually want about it all. It used to be that my whole goal was to get a good education, however I'm starting to think that as much as a want that I also want a whole lot of other things as well. So I kinda think that I definately want to continue with my whole education thing, but that its also not the absolute most important thing in my life anymore. I probably won't be able to leave it alone enough though to the point where I just chill and don't worry about studying so much. So I really don't have much to say except that there are more College day students here again this weekend so things are busy once again, and I have to work while they are here, which is pretty abnoxious, but whatever. Oh ya i don't know if I said anything about this before but I will be able to finish all three years of undergrad here at CUC.

Good weekend?

Well the weekend has come and gone and I'm happy to say in some aspects that it is over although I do have to say that it had its moments where lets just say left me rethinking things. Ok so I ended up doing lots and lots of homework over the weekend which really isn't that cool. I didn't get much sleep which is still bugging me and now I'll be up till like 3 in the morning working so tomorrow will only be worse. Oh ya we did have College day kids staying with us which was pretty good, and we got along good with them. Haha oh ya and we get money for them which is pretty amazing too, I never complain about getting a little extra cash. I also got to the point with some friends that I just really couldn't handle them anymore, so I ditched them on the weekend. Because I ditched them that is why I had a good time, because I went out hung with friends who I don't usualy hang with. Although staying up till three in the morning doesn't really do much for working the next day. Oh ya sunday morning I was up at 8 to start work. We had this like art show gallery thing in the dorm lobby and so I had to help set up these big massive black back drops that we hung from the ceiling to put the pictures on. The work wasn't that hard and I only worked for like 3 hours but the best part is that my boss told me to write down time for like 8 hours. Sunday I worked and studied for my midterm which I had on Monday, which by the way I happily got 95% on, so I'm not complaining. Last night and today I spent studying for a test that I wrote at 2 this afternoon, and now I have to reread and go over my term paper which is due tomorrow. So ya to say the least I've got stuff to do, but it shouldn't be so bad.

It's a ritual

So ya, I'm working again tonight so I figured that I at least had to check in for a little bit anyways tonight. So lets see what is happening new in my life? There are a bunch of College Day students here visiting for the weekend, which can get pretty wild around here then, but lets hope that it won't. Me and my roomates have two guys staying in our room and thankfully they are both pretty cool so that makes things nice. Hmmm...I had something to say but now for the life of me I can't remember what it was....man I hate that. This is really random but I got a hair cut today...not sure if I like it since it is a Mofawk (which stands for a mohawk that doesn't actually have the sides all biqued). at least I can just cut it off later and then it just looks like a normal cut. Ok now I'm really starting to get annoyed because I can't remember. Ok so tonight while working one of the girls went out the fire exit door to take out garbage, but she told me so I disarmed the fire alarm. After that however when she came back in, I couldn't get the alarm to re-arm. Sometimes the door istn' quite closed or something. So anyways I had to go walking through the girls hall at midnight with college day students here so the hallways were crowded. I had to stand at the end of the hall and yell for everyone to get their clothes on. It was pretty funny anyways. It cracks me up that I'm not and RA or even a student Dean but the they all just let me do whatever because I work for both of the deans doing other stuff. So ya that's pretty much all that is happening around here.

Memories

It is cold outside and vehicle starts with a groan. As I scrape the windows I really have to ask myself why the heck are we doing this. The cousins start filling out of the house and climb into the vehicle. Some are laughing and talking and others are just sitting there with their eyes glazed over as the remains of sleep still hold them in a trance. I get into the car and back it out the drive. The snow lined road reminds that it may be a little slick out there. The snow is piled high on either sides and we head out the valley. I can't remember how many years it's been since I've been out here. It's gotta be at least 6 or 7. My older brother and cousin and I start talking away as we start retracing the the past, our childhood. The younger siblings and cousins sit and listen to the stories we tell of watching grizzly bears hunt the farmers cows, or of driving home one Sabbath afternoon and seeing a logging truck tip over into the snow. My cousin who lived out the valley starts calling out the names of places her and her siblings created in their childhood games. It may seem silly to some, but those were the moments that we remember. We make the last corner the mitten comes into view. We all kinda hold our breath and watch to see if anything will have changed. The only differend I can see is that the road isn't is plowed as it used to be back when we all lived out there. We drive down teh mitten, just barely plowing snow infront of us. At the end of Grandma and Grandpa's drive way we come to a stop and all get out. The cold bites at our noses and even at 10 in the morning the sun is just barely rising above the trees. The snow shoes come out, and everyone straps in. We start out marching single file down the driveway. We alternate between conversation and silence. I look up and see the hills that surround us. I can see the hill across the river where I've spent hours with my dad and brother looking for mushrooms. I can just barely hear the river in the distance. The though of it's cold icy waters sends a shiver down my spine. I'm suddenly brought back to reality by the person infront of me stepping aside and telling me that it was my turn to break trail. I look down and realize that we are following in the footsteps of a moose. With a grin I realize that somethings in this world just don't change. As we keep walking the cold is forgotten and the jackets start coming off. Thanks to my little brother I don't have to pack mine. We round that last little corner where the road curves up slighty and there is our grandparents place. The house where at Christmas we would fill it to the brim. Where us older cousins can remember the adventures out behind it following the deer trails and playing tag, Idians and Cowboys, and cops and robbers. I look at the younger cousins and realize that they can only recognize the place by pictures or by coming back to visit in the years after all the fun times. It seems sad that we have such a memory here and while they may find it interesting they don't have the same attachment. We look around for a while, at the old cellar that I can distinctly finding rocks for and dumping them into the still soft cement. The sawdust pile where hours were spent making forts. Grandpa's hay shed where we helped to pile the hay. Grandma's massive gardent with all the potatoes, strawberries and Grandma's beloved floweres. The old barn on my aunt and uncle's place where we would find all the fun stuff like cow bells, and old guns. The moments in your childhood that you can never forget like me and Dixie being able to watch a mule being born. Later that day we looked across the river to where we used to live, and I remember the field flooding, the plane that ran out of fuel and landed in our field, and the wolves calling out their lonesome calls at night.

As we start the drive back to town the vehicle grows quiet as we feel the day of physical exertion catching up with us. I wonder why we do this? Why do we find it important to go back to our childhood? What is it exactly about our past that makes whole we are today? and then it hit me...it is exactly because of my childhood, that I'm the way I am now. That is why I have to go back to those places and remember my past....so I can remember who am. I can form my life and take where I want it, but it is back in the past that I find where the principles of my current life are grounded and sometimes I need to be re-reminded of that. It's remembering the past and the simplicity of childhood that reminds me that there is sense in this world.

I'm procrastinating

Well instead of actually studying I'm procrastinating and sitting on here instead. I'm sitting in our new student lounge and it reminds me of home, and is incredibly calm and quite since there are only like 3 of us in here, and all are studying or on their laptops. This place would almost be a library if we just had books.

I really like warm sunny days! Today we are having one of those days where you can almost think that spring is coming, since the snow is melting and it is warm and sunny. But then I have to wake up and realize that I live in Alberta where there is a good chance that I'll see snow in June so who knows! I miss spring at home though. There is nothing quite like watching the rising rivers and all those cotton woods turn green. The greatest part is that it seems like all the leaves just seem to come out in one day. You are going along and suddenly you realize that there are leaves everywhere. That is how life is though, it is just suddenly upon you and you have no idea how it got there.

Ok so I'm not sure if I'll be back to CUC next year or not. In order to be accepted to the grad school that I want to go to I may have to a public university for at least one year. I'm in the midst of e-mailing the school and getting it all figured out, so hopefully all is good and I don't actually have to change schools, because if I change schools then I won't be able to graduate with any sort of degree, which is disappointing but whatever. If I do have to go to a public university then I will probably go to either UNBC or else to U of A here in Alberta. Not really sure but either would be good. Anyways that is all that is new in my life right now.

Deja Vu

Haha, it seems that one of the few times that I have time for this is when I'm working. Isn't that a little weird? I'll be here till 3 am again this morning so I can just settle in for a long stay. I decided tonight that I had done too much homework today so I was going to chill, and I couldn't even find anything to do so I just went back to doing homework. At that moment I really had to ask myself if my life really is pathetic. I consul myselft with the fact that I'm working towards something.

Lets see I have a test tomorrow at 10:00 and then another test on on thursday, a midterm on Monday and a term paper due next Wednesday. So I'm pretty much stoked about this next week coming up! Anyways I should really head off.

Over

Well my break is basically over. I guess techniqually I have until like tomorrow morning at my first class, however I have to work tonight from 11-3 so that kinda ruins most of my evening. The good news about the break though is that was able to get all of my Stats class done except for the midterm and final. I'm taking the class by correspondence so I just have to go schedule the tests and I'm home free. Anyways I have test tomorrow that I need to study for so I should go.

Something different

Well for my break I actually got to get away and do something different. I said goodbye to the textbooks and the dorm for a few short hours and went with some friends to West Ed. I'm not exactly a shopping person however today wasn't so bad; probably because I've been at school too long. I got a couple of nice shirts which I really needed, so that was good. Also I went out to eat which was amazing, since the caf food is getting a little old.

When we first got to the mall it was pretty much empty which was sweet, however it filled up pretty fast. As we were pushing down one hallway, I got to thinking about all the people around me. It seems strange that everyone out there leads some sort of life. We were so close physically that I could have reached out and touched them but emotionally we could have been on a different planet. It wasn't one of those "oh I feel lonely in a crowd" thing, but was thinking and trying imagine what kind of lives each of them had. I wonder what "normal" is for them? It's hard to judge in a setting like that, where everyone goes and puts on some sort of face.

I have to admit that people watching is a personal favorite of mine. It is especially interesting when you have the subcultures. You have the emos, punks, skaters, rockers, rednecks, gruffs, hippies, preps, and a whole lot of other more fashionable ones that I could never personally identify as being seperate. That was what I noticed in the mall today was that everyone there was trying to fit some category. Even those who were "unique" still were easy to label into some category. It's funny how growing up we try so hard to be unique and in the end we are all the same. We can be so much alike yet so different. Anyways those are my thoughts for the day.

Tired

What a ridiculous time to be writing on here! On the other hand there really isn't anything else to do. I have been up and working for two hours already this morning, and it's only 5 in the morning. I actually wasn't even supposed to be working today till 5 but for some reason my shift got changed to 3 in the morning which is very strange since it's been at 5 for the whole year. I'm quite annoyed by the whole thing since no one even told me that the shift had been changed and I ended coming late to work.

On the other hand, I'm up early and working Sabbath morning actually gives me about 4 hours of God time, which is really needed with my crazy busy life. One of the best songs that I'm listening to right now is "It is you" by Newsboys. God is so amazing. Sometimes I wonder how I can make it through life without a more constant contact with him. I really wish sometimes that I could go back to how it was when I was Venezuela. For that one year I relied on God like nothing I've ever done before. I know that some don't believe in God and I have respect that, I myself am not so sure about all the rigid religions out there (including mine), however I can say without that there is at least a God in my life. There are things that I've gone through that can only be explained by the presence of a God. Even if someone could actually prove that heaven did not exist then I'd still have to believe in God because there is no other way to explain things. It is all about faith, and I know that I need something to believe in otherwise this place just seems like one chaotic cesspool. This world isn't going to last much longer, and things are going to get worse than they were in Venezuela. We live in this little bubble here in North America, which is barely camouflaged. It used to bother me that I was watched so much in Venezuela, and that i had to take my passport with me all the time, and I used to tell myself that things were so much better back home, however here we are watched even more than they are down there. The difference is that here it's more sophisticated so we don't notice it as much.

Shut up and Do It!

Well it is a Friday afternoon and things are finally starting to wind down for the week, even though techiqually i've been having a break since yesterday. I spend yesterday afternoona and today writing my term paper. The good news is that it is done. I did however figure out that I'd get a lot more done if I'd just stop complaining and just get to work. I know that, that idea is pretty common sense and not new, but hey I just figured it out for myself so whatever.

This weekend it kinda one of the strangest there are. I'm having a break however I have lots to do (I'm not complaining I'm just stating facts) however I'm actually going to get a few fun things in. It just doesn't seem to be quite normal that is all. Anyways does it really matter? Normal is just a loosely coined term anyways.

What a headache!

Ok So there is nothing quite like only getting 2 hours of sleep the night before and now suffering through a insomnia induced headache. I got off work at 3 last night and I couldn't get to sleep until like 7 am, and I had to get up at 9. Well actually I got up at 9:49 and class starts at 9:50 so that made for some fun running around. I really hate those days that just don't seem to work out very good. At least the whole homework thing appears to be running fairly smoothly today, other than the fact that I just really want to sleep.

My roommate left for the break this afternoon, and I'm not going to lie, I'm really jealous. I'll be spending my whole break here at school. I have some work to get done and I am going to work a bunch, but seriously how crappy is this? I guess I shouldn't complain since a lot of other students are also staying, but it would have been nice to go home and see everyone again.

Oh the Joy of School

Well I haven't posted or written anything like this for a long, time however I decided that it was about time to start back up with this. I spent all of last year practically documenting all aspects of my life although no one else may care, I've decided to do it again.

I've been finding lately that school can be such a boring ordeal. I've got to wonder sometimes why I do it, but then I realize that really do want the end result. I guess the negativity could also be a part of the fact that it's 2 in the morning and I know that I'll be awake till at least 3. That is another one of my beefs with school, the lack of sleep. But I guess I have to get through this somehow. On the whole other side of this, school it's self is actually going quite well this semester and I can't complain about it, since I just got all my midterm marks back and I'm definately doing how I like. Stat's on the other hand is definately a challenge. I'm so sick of struggling through probability.

For the last few days I've been wondering about life, and that stuff. I sometimes wish that I could go back to when I was younger and things were simpler. Not that my life is really complicated however when I was younger I didn't concern myself with things like what the meaning of my life was and all that stuff. Now I sometimes wonder what my purpose here is really. I know that I don't want my life to simply pass me by, and sometimes it scares me to realize how much I actually have just spent watching opportunities slide on by. I have wasted time doing things that were completely pointless, and that is irritating. I guess what I'm asking myself is that if I were to die tomorrow, would I have made enough of a difference here already, and if my answer is no then I better start doing something today to change that. I'm only given one chance, and I want it to be worth something. I don't want to be known for having lots of money, although at this point a little would be helpful, but for something greater. On another note I'm beginning to realize that I can be quite a jerk. I am a rather self-centered individual who is content to simply go through life, fulfilling only what I want. That is something else that needs to change. I know that many don't see this, however I know that I am because there are times when I really could care less what happens. Anyways I'm starting to go cross-eyed, so I should probably go on to something else before I go to sleep.