Oh the Joy of School

Well I haven't posted or written anything like this for a long, time however I decided that it was about time to start back up with this. I spent all of last year practically documenting all aspects of my life although no one else may care, I've decided to do it again.

I've been finding lately that school can be such a boring ordeal. I've got to wonder sometimes why I do it, but then I realize that really do want the end result. I guess the negativity could also be a part of the fact that it's 2 in the morning and I know that I'll be awake till at least 3. That is another one of my beefs with school, the lack of sleep. But I guess I have to get through this somehow. On the whole other side of this, school it's self is actually going quite well this semester and I can't complain about it, since I just got all my midterm marks back and I'm definately doing how I like. Stat's on the other hand is definately a challenge. I'm so sick of struggling through probability.

For the last few days I've been wondering about life, and that stuff. I sometimes wish that I could go back to when I was younger and things were simpler. Not that my life is really complicated however when I was younger I didn't concern myself with things like what the meaning of my life was and all that stuff. Now I sometimes wonder what my purpose here is really. I know that I don't want my life to simply pass me by, and sometimes it scares me to realize how much I actually have just spent watching opportunities slide on by. I have wasted time doing things that were completely pointless, and that is irritating. I guess what I'm asking myself is that if I were to die tomorrow, would I have made enough of a difference here already, and if my answer is no then I better start doing something today to change that. I'm only given one chance, and I want it to be worth something. I don't want to be known for having lots of money, although at this point a little would be helpful, but for something greater. On another note I'm beginning to realize that I can be quite a jerk. I am a rather self-centered individual who is content to simply go through life, fulfilling only what I want. That is something else that needs to change. I know that many don't see this, however I know that I am because there are times when I really could care less what happens. Anyways I'm starting to go cross-eyed, so I should probably go on to something else before I go to sleep.